Saturday, January 2, 2010


Dear 2010,

I must say, I'm a little disappointed. As a kid, 2010 seemed so magical. Just saying "twenty ten" makes me feel futuristic, and yet, here I am, in the present... bored. I'm not shooting lasers at anyone and I'm not using any jedi mind tricks. When I hit 88mph in my car, I'm not brought back to the future, and when I want something cleaned up, I have to do it myself.... manually... I can't just press a button and out pops a robot with a broom and dustpan. Pretty much the only thing futuristic about you is that my phone has a touchscreen. Can we step it up a bit? Maybe at least adopt an earth-wide uniform that's tight and silver, and issue out dark sunglasses... at least something to give the childhood dreams inside of me something to work with.

Friday, January 1, 2010


I can't help but think lately about how proud I am of meatballs for all their accomplishments. I'm pretty sure there was probably a time in history when the meatball didn't exist outside of spaghetti. I mean, seriously, it's just a balled up piece of ground beef. It doesn't sound all that tempting, right? I mean, it's like going to McDonald's and getting a bunless, cheeseless, ketchupless, mustardless, onionless, pickleless, wrapless cheeseburger... and then asking the person behind the counter if they'd mash it together for you... doesn't sound so tempting, does it? But regardless, the meatball managed to roll itself out of the pasta and evolve into it's own thing. And now everyone's all about the meatball. Weddings, funerals, parties, holidays... they're all throwing meatballs in a pot by themselves and serving them out... and you know what? We people are lovin' em. We can't get enough. We're devouring them up faster than we are the spaghetti in the next pot over. And so, meatballs, I commend you for what you have accomplished.