Wednesday, March 5, 2008

History in the Eyes of Josh Wax

The year was 1491. Christopher Columbus stood before King Ferdinand and Queen Isabella discussing the voyage at sea he would soon be taking.

King Ferdinand: Topher (that's right...Mr. Grace wasn't the first to cut off the "chris".), everything you have requested has been granted to you. I have given you three ships: The Nina, The Pinta, and The Chiquita...
Queen Isabella: Actually, we already sent The Chiquita over to Asia. I'm assembling a large fruit basket for your mother, and they have the most delectible yellow fruit over there.
King Ferdinand: I think i know exactly what you're talking about. I went there one time, and they sliced up a delightful yellow fruit into my cornflakes. Anyway, where were we?
Queen Isabella: The Chiquita. We must replace it.
King Ferdinand: Yes, yes, of course. We'll get right on top of that. By tomorrow morning, you shall have your third ship, along with all the men you could fit among the three vessels. I suppose you could leave then.
Columbus: Tomorrow, sir?
Queen Isabella: Is tomorrow a bad time to ship off, Topher?
Columbus: Well, you see, I'm working on a lil poem, if you will, and it's just that, I'm having a little trouble finding a good rhyme for it. I could sail off tomorrow, but this is all I'd be able to come up with. Let me know what you think. In Fourteen Hundred and Ninety One, Columbus sailed off and had some fun.
King Ferdinand: Hmmm, well, it does rhyme, but I see what you mean.
Queen Isabella: Perhaps we SHOULD wait til next year.
Columbus: That would be just swell. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to rethink this rhyme...hmmm, In fourteen hundred and ninety two...Columbus...brew, crew, drew, flew...oooh, i like "flew"...grew, jew. This is gonna be tough. Ohhh, what a lovely shade of blue on their curtains. I just adore the color blue.'s just such an awesome color...King, sir, what shade of blue would you call that?
King Ferdinand: Ocean Blue
Columbus: Ah, Ocean Blue, how lovely...Ocean Blue. Now then, back to the poem. Moo, new, rue, Sue, view....

Disclaimer: This story is only based on true events about true people. I can guarantee you that the dialogue spoken here did NOT occur among Christopher Columbus and the King and Queen of Spain. And also, there is no proof whatsoever that Christopher Columbus ever answered to the name "Topher". Children under12 should not read this story unaccompanied by an adult and should never use this story as a resource when doing homework for History class.

October 1, 2006 - Sunday

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